Leave me, please~

Salaam people,

Though I am not good, I still have manner. To my beloved peeps, I am very certain that you know how I deal with manner, and how important manner is to me. Yesterday, I was fired by a 'friend' and was smashed with his words stating I have no manner. How could it be possible?? How on Earth he could state that? From my sane head, I really have no idea.

I beg people, please leave me alone like before. Perhaps, just a few people to be with me, who can support me with all their heart. I do not need any sympathy (very certain here), and I do not need people who tends to hurt my pure feelings in friendships. I just need a pinch of sincere care which basically sourced from a faithful and honest self.

Peeps, no worries. I am still happy, not entirely disappointed. I was just feeling slightly dismay by people's actions and wrongful interpretation on me. The most important part, I really believe in Myself.

p/s: I hate deceitfulness and rudeness and hypocrite and fake and and and I hate mess!

yours sincerely,

ballqiszbelle~

Seriously

Hello peeps,

How serious I am? Usually, I am not as serious as lately.

I am really and extremely serious about him. Maybe most of my peeps have known about him, and know how deep I love him. But unfortunately, they cannot measure it accurately, only Allah knows the best. For me, I will always love him because of Allah.

Studying seriously because I am seriously crazy due to people's insult on me. Why not, they criticized me as if I am not worthy at all, they underestimate me and they threw bad faces to me. And all that just for the reason I did not shine my papers with excellence. But, they did not know about one thing: I believe, every cloud has its silver lining.

Maybe, I am not good in those courses, and also my English level is not as good as you wish BUT I am really determined in my job, doing all things wholeheartedly and let the rest lies in God's hand. If you judge me with my results in exam, you're wrong as I am not a good exam performer. I do not know what to say, but seriously, I need time to be excellent. IF Allah gave me failure, perhaps He wants me to be stronger. And now, I'm the strength-go-getter! Seriously, I do not want to seek for sympathy or what, but I just need some space to express my real inside.

Oh, it just count 4 weeks before the final exam. I need to struggle for at least 3.00. I know what level I am at and how hard and smart my effort were, I do not need other people's opinion on that. Peeps, thanks for your support!

p/s: I love you, dude!

craving for him,

Ballqiszbelle

I'm touched by peeps

Salaam readers,

Tonight, I am not going to post a long entry. Tomorrow I'll be better than today, frankly, today gave me a lot of inspiration by the surroundings.

Oh I'm touched! When I was thinking about being alone in my journey, there were actually people who cares about me. They care not much, but I really appreciate their eyes and hearts.

During the lunch hour today, I was still depressing on my Law 1 remedial assignments. I stared at the paper and I felt so frustrated. I wouldn't care what people wanna say, but I care about what I say inside. My soul is of no love, I need some love and that love is actually there, I just did not grab it wholly. Now I do, I have it all, I mean that love as the food for my soul. Suddenly, some people approached me, and cared like never before. He taught me a lot of that Law 1 and I really appreciate him as a friend which I never knew before. Seriously, I know him none! Thanks Allah for giving the cure. Sorry all, if I made another mistake but I think I don't.

That clock on the screen really asks me to stop.

Credits: Adilah Roslan, Aimi, Syamel, Aina, Hafizin, Farid, Muiz, Amir, Eddy, Baiti.

Love,

ballqiszbelle.

I need some respect.

Salaam readers,

This is weekends. I'm glad it is Saturday. I got a lot to do but yet, I still stay calm as I do not have the guts to move on with illness on my mind. That illness would probably be cured tonight, no worries.

People trying to downsize me, the negative surroundings, my status quo future, my remedial course's assignments and to name a few. It's been ages I left all these behind. Perhaps, I need a long holiday to recover my energetic self. In frank, I'm lost but are still capable to find all the way out again, alone. Peeps, I just need your respect as how I respect you.

The global issues presentation and mock debate were so freaking bad, should I say the worst ever? I was and I am V disappointed with the discussion the night before. People were so selfish and had forced me to cover up their work. I am not mean, I just want them to learn how to respect people. Do your part and as you know, excuses are like assholes. People, I am not happy for being in this situation and the fact is you will know my colours sooner or later.

Before the presentation and debate, the tense lies on the MUET results. What's your band? What about you? How excellent you are? I'm sick of all that. Just to surprise everybody, I need to resit the MUET test. Enough and no comment.

Oh the tense thingy. It's over, perhaps. Over or not, I will always say I'm done with stress. I love my life now, with all my heart. Privacy is my first priority and yet, friendliness and my loudness will not be halted by anything. Ha ha.

Thanks for reading, Au Revoir.

love, ballqiszbelle.

i miss you

Salaam peeps,

Just a few words from me.

Presently, I am missing somebody. And now, the number is doubled or perhaps tripple-ed.

"Oh Allah...Lend me the Strength Of Rasulullah SAW, and give me the Passion to survive in your very holistic steps. Amin.."

With no doubt, here is the list of them whom I really2 miss to the extreme:

- 'him' (always)

- beserians, namely kak laila, kak iwa, kak mira, kak aimi, kak dayah, kak ika, kak fadhe, kak nadia etc. of 22nd batch, ohhhh them!

- Baiti

- Syamel

- Syue

- Deeb

- Aimi Diyana

- Habib??

- Teacher Nonie

- Teacher Fiza

Quite a short list ha? But those are the VIPs in my life. To them not listed, sure your time will come sooner or later, just be in my dream every night, and I'll miss you like those above. They did a great job, accompanying me in my sleeping duvet, every single night. Ha ha.

Enough of my few words, gotta go to class.

Thanks for viewing. Au Revoir, Mercie Boku.

love,

ballqiszbelle.

Days before 2010

Salaam peeps,

Ouh, the next hour I'll be back in Shah Alam. Perhaps, this will not be a long post to describe my moments with my BFF.

And, yes, it will be just a few words to write here and a few uploaded photos to tell you more. I love her, she's Baiti. Does that sound too enormous? Ha ha. Those kites added to our memories till now. The next post will be about my walks in Malacca for three days. Catch it out!

Free ice-cream?? Bloody girl!! my money!!

look at the exhausted face of mine.

the kite race!!!

the wind's energy is no longer strong.

ahahaa her kite lost its energy. ;p

Ok, this pics and the story behind it will be discovered in my next post. I gotta pack my stuffs to UiTM and begin the new term joyfully. Thanks for viewing, till we meet again.

Happy New Year 2010 and Au Revoir.

love,

ballqiszbelle

I'm in LOVE

:: How my heart looks like ::

:: What my heart says all days ::

Salaam peeps,

Homigod! I'm in Love.You know love? Yeah, love...Should I say "yay!"? Perhaps, I should.

When I read my peeps' writings, overall, they wrote about love. Maybe, those are all the genuine love from Allah. I bet, I got it all a month ago. Yes, I swear.

If Arlina wrote about being in love with her future-profession that is to be a successful surgeon, and if Deeb wrote about being in love with God and crushing from a distance, I would like to write about my passion in, not much, in Everything.

" The antidote to exhaustion is wholeheartedness "

Many people might say that doing everything is wearying us. As the quote above says, doing things wholeheartedly can cure tiredness. Take a moment and imagine. Do you agree with the quote? I do. I'm in love with everything that sometimes I wish not to.

First, I love myself to the fullest. I don't take a sh*t of what people say about me anymore. Badmouth me or passing by me with wrinkles on their faces, who cares? I love the skills in me. I love the way I befriend people and how I communicate. I love my family busy-ness and how they treated my as the apple of their eyes. I love my siblings and the moment we had fight on food thingy. I love my laptop and the colours in it. I love the books on my desk and how they inspired me to become a better person. I love the way I dressed and how I drive my old-timer car. I love my bedroom which at most of the time it is my suite of life. I love my life which Allah lent, to be enjoyed in the very holistic way. Alhamdulillah.

Next, I love my studies. Though I am taking Law Studies (which at first I hated to death), I am doing it wholeheartedly and will perform with excellence at the end so that I won't be exhausted. You should know something, and that something is my ultimate love after Allah. My passion in English Studies will not be faded away by anything. I'm extremely enthusiastic in English Studies though my English level is not as Great as Qayyum and not as excellent as Nabila Yusop and not as high as Ameera Mahpudz and not as British as Adilah Roslan and not as fluent as Amir Azfar and......nobody is as passionate as Me. If Arlina made a Vlog (video blogging) regarding her love in Medical World, I should make a poem for my love in Linguistic World:

Between my love and my heart

things were happening which

slowly slowly

made me recall everything

You amuse me with your touch

although I can't see your hands.

You have kissed me with tenderness

although I haven't seen your lips

You are hidden from me.

But it is you who keeps me alive

Perhaps the time will come

when you will tire of kisses

I shall be happy

even for insults from you

I only ask that you

keep some attention on me.

I love languages, and I love literature. I'm in love and note that being in love with something is different than loving something. Oh literature! Yesterday, I checked my youngest sister's book list for Form 4 and I discovered that the literature component for secondary school has changed a lot. There will be no boring Bukit Kepong Novel and Sonnet 18 anymore. It is the novel of somehow Papa...... and the Short Stroies of Qwertyuiop. Plus, the drama element. Oh my, how interesting they are, I've read them last night, with all my heart. OMG!

Next, I love the physique of mine. Though I am not petite, I love my size. Remember, every cloud has its silver lining, so do I. With this plus size, I can imitate the mimics of a lecturer when entering UiTM main gate. and with this plus size, I can get lower price in bargaining goods and with this size I can fit into shoes of size 8 and also with this size my father has sent me to the gym and I can be strong and fit again!! I do agree that most of the men out there always have their turn ons on petite slim women but for my future Mr. Right, he wouldn't care of other men's turn ons. Have Faith.

Next, I should stop listing cos I love everything. Gimme anything that burden you, I love it. Gimme anything you fear, I love it. I love everything and the feeling is not much differ from being in love with your mate. Trust me, wholeheartedness is the entire love.

Thanks for reading, Au Revoir.

love,

ballqiszbelle :D